Saturday, March 8, 2008

I Was Fired Today From My Loss Mitigation Job at JP Morgan Chase

It was a nice job that I had as a JP Morgan Loss Mitigator. I would drive to work and perform a short sale analysis for the loss mitigation department. Then one day I started having all of my short sales approved and I was closing short sales left and right. I was commended by the supervisor of Jp Morgan Loss Mitigation not once but twice. The director of Jp Mortgage Chase Loss Mitigation gave me an award for best Jp Morgan Chase Loss Mitigator.

Then it all fell apart. On one sad Monday morning. After two months of setting records for closing the most short sales at Jp Morgan Chase, they realized that my calculater was busted. The number seven didn't work on my loss mitigation calculator so any short payoff that included a digit of 7 was short by one decimal place. That means I closed 700 short sales for JP Morgan Chase and lost them tens of millions of dollars.

I really though everyone at JP Morgan Chase Loss Mitigation Department really liked me and the job I was doing. Now I realie that all of my loss mitigation work at JP Morgan Chase was for nothing. I;ve loss JP Morgan Chase Loss Mitigation Department tens of millions of dollars on short payoffs that were missing a digit of seven on each payoff.

I did manage to save my secret directory of phone numbers for JP Morgan Chase Loss Mitigation Department and can give the numbers out next week in a blog post.

This post is a parady of JP Morgan Chase Loss Mitigation Department. In reality, my calcukator works just fine and I do not work at JP Morgan Chase Loss Mitigation Department. Next week, however, I will give the secredt phone numbers to Chase Loss Mitigation deprtment out in a blog post.

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